Weathering the Weather
Monday
It is officially winter. {Well, official by my guidelines, at least. Haha.} It has been precipitating for over a day, and it’s not rainin’. Ugh. I detest snow (except if I can ski in it). I think that makes me a bad midwesterner, oh well.
I can’t wait to hit up sunny FL over winter break. Only 2.5 weeks and I am free for almost an entire month. But they are sure to be the longest weeks EVER. {I know, I know, I do say that every year. But this is the worst time of the semester.} I have papers, presentations, projects, tests, out the wazoo. To sum up this week I have an exam, a presentation, a journal, and possibly a paper due. Next week I have a paper, a huge project, another presentation, and a big dance performance. Plus I have the usual homework and extracurricular stuff. Hey, at least I got an A- on my lab write-up 
. Oh, and then I have 2 finals.
But then it’s my birthday, Christmas, FL, New Year’s, and so many other good things! I have to have something to look forward to to get me through this time ..
Wish me luck on the final semester crunch!
Em
Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes …
Monday
Last night, I was on IM with a friend and I was stressing. I was stressing about school, my family, how so many people are going to be gone next semester, and how things are always changing.
And it’s so true. It seems like things get more, not less, complicated as you get older. Throughout high school my relationship with my family and friends was pretty straightforward. I would dish to my mom about my friends and crushes, and she would fill me in on some things but leave out the big dramas. Even when there were some issues between people, I always knew who my friends were. It was easy – they were the girls I’d known since I was 11.
But then high school graduation struck. For awhile, things were sort of the same with people from home. But then you change, they change, and you don’t change together. These distances and differences have only increased with time. To most of my high school friends, I am still 15, and always will be – and vice versa. It is really hard to grow that kind of relationship, especially when it was based off of being immature and in middle/high school. Talking about serious relationships and drinking can sometimes feel just .. wrong. And take college friendships. You are only going to know these people for 4 years max, whereas you’ve known your other friends for forever. These relationships tend to be more casual and change pretty quickly – which can be hard for someone like me to take. And then the familial relationship also changes. Your parents share more, and you share less, and it all just gets complicated. Some parents still see your 10 year old self while others want to become your BFF. I would like to maintain the parent-child relationship, but it is becoming harder to see what that means and where the lines are. In high school, you are still the kid, and your parents are still the powerful authority figures. It is so hard to see anyone of authority in my family (parents, grandparents, etc) show weakness because that is not who they represent to me. They have always been the ones who have it together, and it is very jarring to realize that may not entirely be the case.
Things will only get more complicated as I get older I’m sure.
Em
Back to reality .. oops, there goes gravity
Sunday
I am back at school. After my last post, everything just kind of went downhill. Not a ton but it wasn’t as fun as the first half of my break (except spending Saturday evening with D).
I went to my grandma’s and missed D a lot. That was probably because of the drama and lack of {good} excitement there. On Wednesday we drove over and had dinner, and then my parents got into a fight while we were all playing Boggle. It was just a stressful situation.
Then Thursday was Thanksgiving, and I went on a walk with my parents in the morning. The guests arrived early, which was good except that we were still showering and getting ready. I drank some wine before dinner, but one of our guests {my great aunt?} got a little too drunk .. it is sad to see old people drunk. Apparently she’d taken a tranquilizer before she came over.. not a good idea to mix alcohol and drugs, people. She sobered up later though. I was exhausted the whole night for some reason, so that made socializing more of a pain than fun. After dinner I was reading a magazine and fell asleep in a recliner for a couple hours. I would blame it on the wine except that I’m not usually that sleepy after having wine. I woke up and was still tired, but talked to some family friends and had pumpkin pie. Eventually everyone left and I could finally call D .. on my mom’s phone because I had forgotten my charger. Oh, and also that day I ripped my contact, so I had to wear glasses the rest of the weekend. Yay .. :-/.
On Friday there was nothing to do so we just sat around all day, per usual. In the morning we watched Wall-E (awesome movie) and then I read magazines and played a bit of pinball (the machine got fixed!). But at dinner time my mom and I got into a kind of fight about a friend of hers, while she drank almost a whole bottle of wine. Yippee. Then there was a whole fight about a microwave .. it was just a dramatic evening. I talked to D on the phone for a long time about everything and he really helped calm me down. Then I felt a lot better and played a game with my family, and I won .
Then on Saturday we left around 10, after my grandma was crying :-/ so that was awful. Then that night D and I went to Panera to get him something to eat, and then to Role Models, which was pretty funny. Then I got dinner and then we hung out at his dorm, and finally I went home at 2:30.
Today I had breakfast puffs at home and then showered and packed. D came over around 2 and helped my brother fix the computer. We went for a late lunch and then eventually I left. When I finally got back here (after traffic jams) I wrote a 2.5 page paper, and now I am ready to go to sleep!
Em
Turkey Time
Tuesday
I am so glad to be on Thanksgiving break! I arrived home on Friday and talked to my dad for awhile, before heading over to get D and have tacos with some of our friends. We went over there around 5:30 and hung out, made food, and ate until around 6:30. Then D and I went to the theater to see Bond (the second time for me). But since he knew I didn’t really want to see it a second time he bought tickets for Zack and Miri .. aww! It was a cute movie but not as good as I expected after my friend raved about it. Then we went back to his dorm where we hung out. It was good times.
Then on Saturday we had to wake up relatively early to go to the football game. We were out around 11, had breakfast in one of the cafs, and then went over to the game around 12. It was sooo cold. We stayed for the whole game even though we were destroying the other team. After that we went back to the dorm and took a nap. That night I felt bad because I’d barely seen my family, so we played a board game called Masterpiece with them after first going to a buffet (the closest restaurant to a dorm caf) for dinner.
On Sunday I woke up around 10:40 for no reason, with a ton of bug bites. I decided not to sleep in my bed anymore, so now I’m sleeping in the guest room. I hung around and talked to the fam, and eventually we went to my brother’s band thing in the afternoon. At 6 I was supposed to have dinner with D and his family, so after the concert my mom and I watched some of Stylista and then I went over there. We had fruit, salad, ribs, and corn casserole – it was really good. After that we went on a hunt for the movie Jaws. We found it at the second place we went to but then we had nowhere to watch it. His dad was watching football and my family was eating dinner – I can’t wait until I have my own place. Eventually we watched most of it at my house. Then we got sleepy and I drove him home.
Yesterday I had a doctor’s appointment at 9:15, an ungodly hour. Then I had time to kill before lunch with my friend R at 12:30, so I crashed in front of the tv. {Yesterday was like my sick day, with my bug bites in full force (there’s even one over my eye), my arm hurting from the flu shot, and a buildup of sleep deprivation.} I had a good 2 hour lunch of pizza with her, and we caught up about our lives, guys, our friends’ lives, the future .. good times. Since she’s a HS friend I felt like we started to take our friendship out of the high school realm, so that’s good. It’s hard to mature in friendships you’ve had since you were 11, because in some ways you will always seem 11 to each other, so it makes it weird to talk about adult things. After that it was around 2:30, and I went over to D’s house to finish up Jaws. I had some soup and we hung out in his room for awhile. Then we came back to my house for dinner at 6:30, where we had chicken pot pie, salad, and brownie-ish things. After that we crashed on the couch and watched South Park, Heroes, and the Hills. Then we napped for a bit and then I took him home.
Today I woke up at 11:30, took my dad to pick up my car from the dealership (it is being a pain – the anti-lock brakes weren’t working), and then hastily showered and got ready for my 1:15 dentist appointment. Then I went there for awhile – it was quick and easy. After that I tried to get cinnamon crunch bagels at Panera but they were all out. Then had leftover pizza in front of the tv, and now I’m doing laundry and still lazing around on the couch. I’m having lunch with my friend M tomorrow so I’m super-excited about that. Tonight I’m staying with D at his dorm and we’ll probably go out to dinner tonight before we head over there.
Oh, and in the last two days (today and yesterday) two people have asked me if he’s the “one”. What do I say to that? I mean, we have been talking more seriously over the last couple of months, but I’m still not comfortable telling anyone but my very close friends that we are thinking long-term. I just think that’s an awkward question to ask.
Anyway, time to let in the dog and see what’s going on with the laundry. I am such a domestic goddess (not).
Em
Weekend Recap
Sunday
So this weekend was pretty fun overall. On Friday I made dinner with my friend S at her house. She made a Mexican casserole and I made pumpkin pie. (I think when we cook things it’s better for us to cook together but separately haha.) I think I got the better end of that bargain, the pie was really easy to make. After the food was ready a couple other people were going to eat with us, but one of them, her crush, didn’t show up. She was kind of upset about that and we didn’t end up eating until kind of late, but at least the food was good. Then eventually we ate pumpkin pie but it was still too warm .. I didn’t know you were supposed to let it cool for hours and hours before eating it! (Apparently it’s better now, but I think when I finally make it over to her house to have some it will probably be gone.) So the pie was ok but too warm and mushy.
At 9 or so I left to go get ready for my friend’s party that was starting at 9:30. I went over to my other friend’s place around 10 and there was a ton of alcohol for fancy mixed drinks. We had some girly cocktails and it was very exciting. But when I got there it was only a few people .. so it was more like a chill gathering than a party, which was totally cool. Then some more people came over and I mingled. It was just a random but fun night where I talked to several cool people, but it was never too crazy or anything. Her chairs are really weird and you have to be careful sitting on them, so it’s a good sobriety test to see if you can not fall off. At one point I was standing with my knee on the chair and it fell through, and my friend was like, “You broke the chair!”. And even though I knew I didn’t actually break it it was still kind of startling. Then later she was sitting on it and she fell off .. gg her. And everyone was just generally drunkish and in a good mood so it was fun. At the end of the night it was a few of us sitting talking around a table and then someone gave me a ride back, which was nice. When I got back I called D and of course we got into a sort of argument. Not as bad as usual because I was trying really hard to not escalate the situation and to do my best to stay cool in my less-than-ideal state of mind. It ended up ok and we talked about it some more yesterday but we were still a little off.
Anyway, yesterday (Saturday) I got up and went to brunch with friends, and then went to a group meeting for a class from 1-3. The paper is 25 pages and due on Friday and we’re nowhere near where we need to be with it. (I also have a huge lab report for my experimental psych class due on Friday, and an exam Wed. :-/. At least next week is Thanksgiving break.) Then I went with my friend I and some other friends to the new Bond movie. (I always forget what it’s called .. Quantum of Solace I think.) It was ok but not really my favorite .. I’m not all that into that genre usually, but I was in the mood for a good action flick, and it sufficed. After that we went out to dinner at a Mexican place (theme of my weekend apparently) and then back to school. Then I needed to make some plans because I wasn’t sure what I was up to for the rest of the night. A lot of my friends weren’t planning on going to a party that I wanted to check out. I talked to D for awhile on the phone and then got dressed (attempted European because that was the theme). Then I headed over to hang out with my friend E and some of her friends. I drank rum and diet cokes (at the end of the day, I would much rather have that than any fancy mixed drinks .. arghh I’m a pirate .. don’t they drink rum?) and watched tv and danced (not at the same time). Then we all headed over to the party, which was unfortunately not too hopping. But I stayed for a long time anyway because I had some friends there, and why not. I ran into my friend C and we hung out a lot and I met some of her friends. Some of my old friends were there and I talked to them too. Eventually it was over and I came back here and watched the Hills and texted D, since we’d decided I shouldn’t call drunkish. We were being silly and having fun though, so all was good.
Then today I got up and ate brunch with random-ish people. One of my friends was there but I didn’t know some of the people at the table. (I hate going to the caf without planning with people first because I’m worried I won’t find people to sit with. I hate cafeteria dining .. except that there’s food there that I don’t have to make. I guess sitting with sort of random people is a way to branch out … ?) After that I had a dance thing from 1-4, supposedly, but it only lasted until 2:30. So I read for a class until 3:45 and then got ready for a meeting at 4. Then I had that until 4:45, and then I picked the clothes up off my floor and bed and actually made my bed , and now I’m writing this. Tonight I have to read a book for a class and work on my part of the group paper. I need to write my lab intro soon too (groan, those are awful) .. and have everything done by Friday :-/.
What I don’t like about living at school is that your home life and school life are one in the same. There is no separation between my personal life and my “work” life, which is really frustrating. I can’t completely relax in my dorm room because there are always things I need to be getting done. Piles of notebooks and folders remind me of my lackadaisical organizational technique and of everything I should do. I can never escape that pressure to do more and more work. I just need a quiet haven away from school work and annoying people, but I won’t find that here. I can’t wait to graduate and move into a real apartment – a home of my own – and a job – with real hours, allowing me to have a life of my own.
Oh, and I am declaring December my birthday month. Like, I plan to celebrate all month long. Maybe January too, since my bday is late in the year. One of my friends and I were talking about having a combined her being abroad and my birthday party. And maybe another one of my friends and I, too. How many parties is too many? Haha. I really want to go out midnight on the 23rd, because really, no one wants to be hungover on Christmas. (Me included.)
Ok, I need to get to work!
Em
Life love happiness
Thursday night
I’m feeling a lot better than I was earlier today. While I was at lunch for some reason I just got into a much better mood, and then during class I felt myself going into my kind of manic “getting things done” mood. So when I got back to my room I sent a bunch of emails I’ve been meaning to send, made plans via facebook to have dinner with a friend tomorrow, said I would be attending a cocktail party tomorrow (yay!), got reading done that I’ve been needing to do, put a rebate together to mail tomorrow, went to dinner with friends, and made plans to see the new Bond movie this weekend. I have a problem with thinking I have no friends but really that isn’t true .. I just need to spend more time with the people I do know! And I need to be productive and quit moping around watching movies all the time and being lazy not doing my work. Or doing it but not being excited about anything and not wanting to get involved in things going on on campus.
Anyway, I am so excited for Thanksgiving! And the holiday season!
Reasons why I’m excited
~time off school~turning 21!!~pumpkin pie~Christmas decorations~Christmas cookies~going to Florida~spending New Years with D in Florida~having several birthday celebrations~being able to drink legally~spending time with family~swimming in the ocean~any many more that I can’t think of because it’s almost 1
Mainly it’s the time off school and time with family, D, and friends! And turning 21 of course and partying it up with said people!! I think I want to do a dinner with friends here before I head home for break, and then another dinner/party with friends at home. And drinking with my mom of course .. always a good time! Oh and how could I forget that I want to throw a holiday party, with fancy clothes and everything . But we’ll see if it happens..
Anyway have a fantabulous Thanksgiving and holiday season!! Good luck making it through these last few weeks …
Em
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Thursday
Today I noticed that at all times of life where people tend to meet their best friends, I have not. Like high school, college, study abroad programs, other experiences. I’ve made some friends who I think I will be friends with for the long haul (but that can change in an instant). But it’s frustrating because what I long for is a group of close girlfriends who I can talk with about anything. I know that concept is so stereotyped in pop culture, but I also think it’s true for a lot of people. At least I’m not also looking for love, that’s definitely something to be grateful for. But I hope that someday on my journey I will find a group of people who I can really relate to and also see on a regular basis. On the one hand it saddens me that I am a junior here and have so few good friends, but on the other I am not willing to put in the effort to turn acquaintances into friends. Also, I have found that many people here are nothing like me and appear to have extremely different values, and I think the stereotyped “hippy” that goes to school here (how I wish I had known that years ago) does not have the qualities I look for in a long term friend. I have been screwed by so many people over the years, it’s ridiculous, and leads me to be hesistant in getting close to people as friends. I hardly ever talk to one of my “best” girlfriends from HS (she graduated and got a lot of new, cooler friends at college), one of my college friends didn’t speak to me for a year – for no reason – but now we are close again .. but who knows if he will decide to do that again?, my roommates on my study abroad program were stereotypically awful (the sorority girl, the hippy, and the uptight bitch) and bad people, and now I could put an ocean between me and two of my former good friends here. And one of my best friends who graduated doesn’t call anymore – he claims he is going through a hugely introverted stage, but it hurts. Especially since I was gone all of last semester and we kept in touch all the time.
The other part is that I think I make a good girl friend. I’m friendly, nice, loyal, smart, like to strategize about guys (or girls with my straight male friends), love girly stuff like chick flicks, fashion, and makeup. The things I don’t like are things that seem to run rampant here – smoking all the time, constant hanging out, big groups filled with dumb conversation and people I don’t know or want to get to know. I know good conversation exists on this campus because I’ve been engaged in it, but it seems like a lot of people are more interested in their next fix.
I call this blog random rants and ramblings for a reason, haha. But I’m done for now – I need to shower and get some lunch. Hope everyone is having a good week .. don’t worry be happy!
Em
I should know who I am by now
Thursday
So Tuesday was election night. Obama Barack-ed! Gobama! Or some other play on words. Basically, Obama won .. yay . But by the time the election results rolled around, I was exhausted from spending a ton of time Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday on my psych lab. So I was just ready to go to bed, but I waited up to see who won .. felt really out of place among a bunch of super-excited people though. So I went to bed shortly after it was announced.
Yesterday I turned in the lab (yess .. it had been weighing on me for like a week) and then had class in the morning. In the afternoon I did some internship research and then ate an early dinner, before heading out to do my psych service project from 6-8. We made ramen and smoothies, and the attendent who’s always a jerk was still being one. After that I had dance from 9-10:30. We got lectured because no one had emailed to run for leadership positions. I was annoyed at D because I hadn’t heard from him all day and we were already a little off. But then after practice I had 2 texts and a missed call .. and apparently he’d tried to text me earlier. So I called and we talked and we fought some more .. he wants to drink with just his female friend S and I’m not entirely comfortable with it. And then we started talking about the fights we’d had previously, about him not saying good job about something and then because I’d said he needed to do work “more efficiently” so he could talk to me more. So then it just went downhill. But by the end of the convo it was ok. It just sucks that we’re weird and he’s visiting this weekend. But things are always better when we’re together. (Quote Jack Johnson much? Haha.)
Anyway, today I slept ’til 9:30, woke up, and did my homework due at 1 today. Then around 10:30 I went back to bed until 12, and then until 1. I didn’t want to wake up then either but I decided I needed to stop being such a lazy ass. I went to CVS to get a bunch of pictures developed and then went to Arby’s for lunch. Then I came back here and started laundry, and then went back to CVS to pick the pictures up. Then I hung 73(!) pictures up on my wall. Ahh crazy, but now it looks cool . I still want to try to rip out ads and fashionable pics from magazines and hang them up .. maybe give kind of an artsy vibe? Anyway, then I put laundry away, and then dinner, and now I’m writing this. I’m going to watch Lipstick Jungle later .. oh and I have dance from 9-10. And then it’s FRIDAY, so excited! And then on Saturday I dance at half and my parents are coming to watch and take us out to dinner. Yay I love weekends
Em
Donate blood to save lives …
Wednesday
Did you know you save 3 lives for every pint of blood you give?
For me, giving blood is an utterly terrifying and time-consuming experience. And I’ve still done it 3 times. Before I give, I’m nervous about the needle and passing out and all that. While I give, I’m really worried that they’re taking all my blood away and I’m going to pass out or I’m going to stand up and pass out. It’s hard to explain well but it’s really a scary feeling .. while I’m lying there with nothing to do, I just psych myself out. So then I tell someone I’m feeling bad (because I am) and get a cold washcloth and a drink. Then I lie there awhile more until I finallly feel ok to go eat cookies. Then I inhale about 4 of those and 2 things of juice, and continue to worry about how weak I’m feeling and that I’ll faint. So I sit there for a long-ass time as well. Then I finally leave but still feel weird and wonky so take only elevators. And finally in an hour or so feel ok to climb stairs. Now, 5 or 6 hours later, I’m still really tired and feel a bit nauseaus. But I have an hour and a half of dance practice (groan) so I’ll try to suffer through that and then go to bed.
Did you know you lose a pound when you give blood? Isn’t that a lot of blood?
Even though I am talking about all the personally negative aspects of giving blood, it’s still a really great thing to do and many people have an easier time with it than I do. You can save lives just by giving away something you have extra of anyway. And if I was in an accident I would definitely hope someone had donated blood. So give blood if you can!
Em
So weird to be back here …
Wednesday (night)
Home again, home again. It’s fall break again this year and this year it’s weirder than ever. I’m not one of those people who dreads going home – in fact, I love it. But it’s weird to think that I might never really live at my home again. This summer I will hopefully be interning somewhere not in my hometown, and after I graduate I will presumably get a job and live on my own. Of course, I still have 2 month-long winter breaks left where I will be here for a fairly extended period of time. But no more lazy summers with a part-time job (or internship), D, and no cares and no real responsibilities. It’s sad that I can’t truly appreciate those summers until they’re over. Of course I really enjoyed them at the time, but now that they’re gone, it’s like there’s a part of me missing. I’m never going to live at my house again. Where I lived for the majority of the formative years of my life. Is this supposed to be more of a natural progression for people? Maybe I should wish my home was worse so that I wouldn’t want to come back. But it just represents so many good things to me – familiarity, comfort, family, friends, to name a few. So many good times in my life were had here. It’s scary to think about striking out on a life all on my own. Or one completely separate from my immediate family. I don’t know if I’m ready to enter that adult world yet, but I don’t feel like I have much choice.
Other than being prematurely freaked out about my post-college years, break has been going really well. I had two exams this morning and then immediately left to take my friend E to the airport. That was really stressful because we missed the exit and then had to try again 3 times … long story. But we got there and she still had an hour before the flight … thank god, I would have felt so bad if she had missed it on my watch. Then I stopped for lunch and continued on my way home. When I got here, I talked to my mom for a long time and then my dad. Later I went to my brother’s concert and then out to dinner. After that I watched a minute of Stylista and then picked up D to get coffee. We hung out in his dorm for awhile and watched a little of a movie.
Tomorrow I have lunch with my friend N and 12 and my mom wants to do early voting. I desperately need to do laundry and I should straighten up my room – D and I kind of destroyed it this summer in our epic cleaning spree. Then tomorrow night I’m going out to eat with D and then watching the Office at his dorm with his friends. Should be a good time .. I just know this brief break will fly by.
Em
