Sunday

This weekend … wow.  Both nights I had a big dance performance, which went really well (especially considering I was sick Tuesday-Thursday).  I was in four dances, which is a good number.  (But next semester I’ll probably do more, haha.)  After the show on Friday I did homework and stayed in.

Then on Saturday I woke up and went to a student government brunch until about 1pm.  After that, I worked until about 4 on various projects.  My dad, brother, and grandma arrived at 4:30, and we went to eat at a nice local restaurant.  I was already in costume so I’m sure I looked a little funny, oh well.  Then I went to call and helped with merchandise and miscellaneous things.  Next was the show, and afterwards I talked to my fam and a few others.  Then I “helped” with the floor afterwards – there were soo many people there though that I didn’t really do anything.  Finally I had a piece of pizza and relaxed.

I was surprisingly exhausted by this point – I’d figured I would be ready to go party it up after such a quiet weekend.  But it was not to be.  When I got home, all I wanted to do was sit and watch “Gossip Girl”.  When my housemate came home I talked to him for awhile, and then took a shower and went to bed.  I don’t think campus was really hopping last night anyway, because everyone has a lot to do right now and I think people were partied out from Friday.  I don’t think it’s ever happened at college that I didn’t go out either weekend night – I’m turning into an old lame-o.  I’m sure I’ll make up for it next semester, though.  The last one – gotta live it up.

Today I woke up early and got started on work.  Then went to brunch with my friend and her visiting friend.  After lunch I had a kind of lull in productivity where I read “TFLN” for quite a while.  I figured I deserved it since I’d been getting kind of manic.  Next I went to a campus computer lab to try to focus.  I did research for my big business paper and found some new articles.  I went home, then went to dinner, where I bemoaned my quantity of work and lack of productivity.  After dinner I hit up the library, where I skimmed some articles and brainstormed ideas for a take-home test.

Tomorrow I have things due at 1pm and 4pm.  Both are in fairly good shape but will definitely need additions and editing.  Then I have to tackle my final business paper, which I feel totally unprepared to write.  It’s due at 12pm on Tuesday.  Right now it’s just a jumble of 8 pages of information, none of which really flows together.  It apparently needs to be 12-15 pages with an annotated bibliography.  *Gulp.*  Maybe no sleep for me tomorrow night?  I think I’m going to talk to my professor tomorrow and see what she has to say.  (Probably “you should have gotten your shit together earlier”.  But I really have been doing my best all of this semester.)  I just don’t feel like the paper was very well explained, and I don’t think I’ve written ANY research papers since I’ve been at college.  I do projects and tests and lab write-ups.  Not research papers.  (Really, what HAVE I learned at college, anyway?  Not being good at beer pong, unfortch.)  I really need to pull something together, because it’s a big part of the class, and the class is the last one for the major.  Ahhh pressure.

Also, I had some of a Monster energy drink (right now I’m “unleash(ing) the beast,” can’t you tell).  At least, I drank what I didn’t spill all over my desk.  Drinks 2, computer 0.  (Actually this one didn’t get ON the computer, thank god.)  It’s funny that I’m drinking energy drinks a couple hours before I’ll probably take a sleeping pill to go to bed.  Ironic, right?  Like, how much can I fuck around with my body? … Oh well, there will be plenty of time over break for nature to take its course.

Hopefully also some time over break for heavy drinking, since not nearly enough of that happened last weekend.  And perhaps some making out with hot guys.  I need some New Years plans, ASAP.  Although I guess making out with someone on New Years is kind of a lot of pressure, since isn’t that supposed to predict your year or something?  Hmm.

Wow, I’m so ADD right now.  Apparently this drink has kicked in.  I wonder what I would be like on something more serious …

Ok, back to work.  Then shower, sleep, and doin it all over again.

Em

Friday (night)

I NEVER stay in on weekend nights.  Like, ever.  But I have 2 huge things (a test and a project) due Monday and a term paper due Tuesday, and I didn’t figure I could cram all that into Sunday afternoon like I do with most homework.

Now I’m remembering why I go out on the weekends.  Because everyone else gets REALLY FUCKING LOUD.  At least if I was out and drunk right now I’d be having a good time, instead of doing no work/not sleeping anyway.  There’s a party going on right outside my window which is making it impossible to crash right now.  I kind of want to call security on them to bust it.  But I really don’t want to be “that girl”.  And it would be a bit hypocritical since any other weekend I’d be right there with ‘em.

Also, 2 of my housemates had 6ish people over here tonight, even though I asked them really nicely to try to keep the house quiet this weekend.  Maybe we have a different understanding of quiet, because I basically meant no more than them plus one.  Not drinking heavily with 5 BFFs.  Why couldn’t they hang out at someone else’s house?

AHHH.  I don’t think I’m being that unreasonable because I usually wouldn’t care AT ALL.  This weekend and this work is just really important to my academic success and graduation.  Also, I JUST GOT OVER being deathly sick, and am therefore behind in everything.

RARAR.

Em

Sunday

So for the last few weeks I’ve been sort of seeing this guy (against the advice of my friends and my own instincts).  But it was low-key and convenient, and I didn’t expect it to be anything more.  And I could still be independent to do my own thing and make out with other people.

He was the same guy I always go for – cute, nice, fun, but doesn’t give a shit about me, commitment-phobic, and a little lacking in the personality department.  A real winner, right?  So last night I went over to his house and he said we should call the whole thing off and that he didn’t like where this was going.  What an asshole.  As if he did anything at all – I was the one initiating contact, always.  I guess you can’t MAKE someone care about you.  But sometimes it would nice if it just happened.

So now I’m pissed off and don’t want to talk to him ever.  I blocked him on facebook because I don’t want him on my profile and I don’t want to be on his.  Also, I have some clothes of his that I don’t know how to return to him.  I kind of just want to throw them away and not deal with it.

Where are all the good guys?  I’m starting to lose faith that they still exist, at least at this school.

Em

Thursday (night)

I’m tired of this week.  On paper it didn’t look like it was going to be so bad, but somehow my calendar filled up once again.  My inability to sleep didn’t help.  Also my friend C and I basically just had this week to choreograph a routine, so that’s been eating up a lot of time.  And I have 3 presentations next week, so I’ve had/have practices for those.

Today I had class in the morning, prepared for a presentation, had a lunch meeting, a 1 o’clock class, a practice presentation, dinner with a friend, a 2-hour meeting, and choreographed.  Now I should be making notes for my practice presentation tomorrow, but instead I’m on social networking sites and trying to watch The City.  (Unfortunately the connection here blows so it’s hard to stream anything :-/.)

Oh, and yesterday I spilled some water on my computer and it proceeded to die.  I was so scared it wouldn’t turn back on and I’d have to get a new one.  Thankfully, after airing it out for 12 hours, it’s still working .. that’s a relief.

Tomorrow I have to prepare my presentation, give it, go to a dance practice, and go to a dinner for a campus organization.  So that shouldn’t be too bad, and hopefully I can find some time to party hehe.  Only a little over a week left!!

Em

Wednesday – 10:30am

I spent most of yesterday afternoon in bed trying to take a nap, which was necessary but completely unproductive.  In the evening, I had a club meeting and dance practices, so I ate dinner, drank tea, and hoped that I’d survive on no sleep.  Then of course, my stomach started hurting.  Arghhh.  I went home and went to bed around 10:30, and even after taking a sleeping pill didn’t fall asleep until 11:30.  But THEN I slept like a baby and only woke up twice, and woke up for real when my alarm went off at 10am.  Thank god for college and occasional weekdays when I can sleep in.  So I’m still a bit groggy, but hopefully I paid off my sleep debt .

Today I have meetings throughout the day for projects and activities.  I also need to work on my final psych presentation and my final business paper.  In a lot of ways it’s THE END of my college career, since I’m only taking 6 credits next semester.  Most of my final papers, projects, and presentations are due at the end of this semester.  Which is nervewracking, exciting, and unbelievable all at the same time.  How did I get here?  I’m a senior, and I truly earned it over these last 4 years.  Soon I’ll get to enter the real world, which is terrifying yet exhilarating.  I’m excited to have a nice apartment (hopefully with a friend or two), a “big girl” bed (i.e. bigger than a twin), be in a town with actual things to do (i.e. nightlife), and get a cat or some sort of pet (bigger than a rodent).  I’m keeping my fingers crossed that the job market will turn around in the next few months.

Ok, I should shower and get ready for the day!

Em

Tuesday

As soon as I came back to school and things got crazy, my inability to sleep was back in full force.  How ironic, right?  When I really need to sleep, I can’t.  I don’t term my problem “insomnia” because I’m still hoping it’s not that serious.  And some nights I CAN sleep.  Unfortunately, this is not true of the last two nights.  So now I feel kind of like a zombie whose caffeine is wearing off.  Interestingly, I can still usually manage to fall asleep to nap, if I have any free time.

I think it’s because my stress level is high right now, my bed at school isn’t really that comfortable, the house gets too hot at night, and my brain really gets going at night.  It’s incredibly frustrating to lie in bed physically exhausted, watching my sleeping time tick away, and have my mind keep churning about random things.  Or last night, when I woke up every couple of hours throughout the night.  First my room was too hot, then too cold, you get the idea.

I often take Benadryl to help me sleep, but now it’s impossible to tell whether it actually helps or it’s a placebo effect.  I have some prescription stuff, but I don’t like to take it because it makes me feel groggy the next day.  And I wouldn’t want to get addicted to it.

Anyway, I should go to class.  And hopefully I can squeeze in a nap this afternoon.

Em

Sunday (night)

The last few months of my life have been crazy and emotionally tumultuous.  So I’ve taken some time off of blogging .. but now I’m back!

I don’t really want to get into it, but last summer my long-term boyfriend and I broke up, I went to Turkey and Spain, spent the rest of the summer interning, socializing, and relaxing in Indianapolis, and then headed back to college for my senior year and my busiest semester yet.  This fall, my parents began the divorce process and I’ve been trying to help my family through that.  I’m currently dealing with all the insanity of school (schoolwork, dance, other activities, friends, guys, and living independently), plus family drama and freaking out about trying to figure out my life post-grad.  I’m looking forward to being a part-time student next semester and finally having a little time to breathe (and apply to jobs).  Currently there are only 2 more weeks plus finals before winter break, so that’s exciting.  Unfortunately (but predictably) those weeks are going to be jam-packed with project deadlines, senior and other presentations, and a big dance performance.

Wish me luck!

Em

Tuesday (night)

Exhausted and stressed, but excited about entering a phase where I have (barely) enough time that I don’t have to feel deficient in everything I do.  I hope to become a better student, campus leader, group leader, friend, and internship researcher.  I feel excited that I finally have a little bit of “free” time to actually adhere to most of my responsibilities.

I can’t wait for spring break.  But I do hope I find an internship (or have a good start on getting one, at least) by then.  I think that would take a lot of the stress away over break.  I feel like there’s a giant cloud overhead.  It’s hanging over life and over summer .. it’s like this thing saying to me, “You need to find a good internship.”  I wonder what the seniors are thinking .. I’m not at all excited about dealing with job searching next year.  If this is how stressed I get about internships, I wonder if I will even survive job searching.

Ok, think positive thoughts.  I think I’m going to spend a (preplanned) hour per day working on finding and applying for internships.  Other than that, I will not allow myself to worry about it.

Sleep time.

Em

February has been completely insane.  I have group projects in 3 out of my 4 classes, plus I’ve had a lot of dance stuff, business managing the paper, and leading student government.  All of that basically meant I’ve spent a most of the last month in class, practice, and meetings.  And not doing much homework or doing the work outside of meetings that all my involvement should require.  So when I wasn’t in meetings I was unwinding or trying to do personal things, like look for internships.  Having no spare time is tough, but it keeps me from worrying about everything else going on in my life.

Anyway, since late January, I have been really busy, D has been here a couple times, Valentine’s Day happened, and so did break.  My school gets a random break in the middle of the semester, which is nice.  However, no one else really gets that break, so it can be a little slow at times.  When I first got home I was a little frustrated that my family couldn’t spend much time with me because they all had their own things going on.  But things eventually picked up and I ended up having a pretty good break.  My dog is having a lot of health problems which is really worrisome.  Other than that, though, things were good, and I did get spend a lot of time with D. and my family.  Breaks always seem so short, though.

Hopefully this part of the semester will be a little less crazy because dance team is over.  That will free up 1-2 hours per night during the week, which amounts to a lot of time.  I really need to devote time to homework and other obligations, along with searching for and hopefully landing an internships this summer.  I’m starting to get really worried about that.

Ok, I should go.

Em

Went to class, ushered at convo, changed my meal plan, called my mom, changed my meal plan back, got my mail, dropped some money off, went to the international office, picked up a form, made copies, dropped copies off, talked about business with the paper staff.  And most of this since noon …

Ugh, I need to sit down for a bit.  This is supposed to be my easy day (only 1 class!) but I’ve been rushing around for the last hour or so like crazy.

Can’t wait for the weekend ..

Em