Monday

I really don’t have time to be writing this.  I have a whole shitload of reading I haven’t done yet.  Oh, and a paper to write for tomorrow, and a dance practice tonight.

Oh well.  I’ve had a lot on my mind the last couple of days.  This weekend I went to visit D, who coincidentally goes to school in my hometown.  So we did have to see my parents twice, but that was ok because they’re cool.  Anyway, Saturday night and Sunday morning the talk turned really serious between us.  Like, future and marriage and all that.  He brought it up, but I was generally in agreement.

Now that I think about it, it’s really overwhelming.  Sometimes I think about my life, and I see two paths it could take.  (I know there are about 1000000 possible paths in reality.)  One is me settling down early and having a family and all that.  I would have a career but it would kind of be second to the family life thing.  The other is a future in which I am a career woman, living in a city, working a lot, and partying it up with my other 20-something friends.  And I know I want a balance between those, somehow.  But I kind of think it may be a bit early to think so seriously about the future after we’ve been dating only a year and several months.  Plus we’re only 20.  I know I love him a lot and we’re very close, but that is now, and sometimes I think it’s dangerous to extrapolate feelings you have now for someone – whatever feelings they are, be it of friendship, love, anything – far into the future.  Because change is a huge part of life, and people change a lot, especially during this time in their lives.

So I guess while I appreciate that we’re both committed to the relationship and care about each other a lot, getting too specific about our future together kind of makes me anxious.

Em