Wednesday

I’m going to be a junior in college this fall.  To many people, I’m sure that doesn’t sound old, but as I think back to my freshman year, I’m saddened that all the upperclassmen have moved on.  All of the people who I thought of as being older, more mature, with more life experience, more envelope-pushing than I … they have all graduated and started a new stage of life.  And now it’s time for me to step into their shoes, and I just don’t know that I’m ready.  When I was a freshmen, I had lots of friends who were upperclassmen, sure.  But I had expectations for them – that they really knew their place at school, that they had a solid group of friends, that they had a better handle on what they wanted out of their lives than I, that they just had it “more together”.  Me, fulfill all those expectations of my younger self?  Especially with me potentially rooming with a freshman, or at least in a very freshman-laden hall – it makes me wonder how they will think about me.  If I will be the cool older girl with friends in all the houses who has life somewhat figured out, or if I will just be … one of them.

I’m halfway through college.  That’s a scary thought.  Now that I’m closer to being done, I’m not sure that I want to leave.  There are so many opportunities you have in college that you don’t have in the rest of your life.  Being constantly surrounded by peers, things going on all the time, a flexible class schedule, independence without all the worry.  Of course, the things that seem rewarding about college can at times feel the most stifling.  (The longing for true independence, waiting for my “real life” to start, being in the school “bubble”.)  But as I see the light at the end of the scholastic tunnel, I also feel the pressure to make the most of my last two years.  Exactly what that means, I’m not entirely sure, but I don’t want to look back with any regrets.  Getting involved, meeting people, having fun, and doing well will all be on my to-do list next semester.

Em