Sunday (night)

The last few months of my life have been crazy and emotionally tumultuous.  So I’ve taken some time off of blogging .. but now I’m back!

I don’t really want to get into it, but last summer my long-term boyfriend and I broke up, I went to Turkey and Spain, spent the rest of the summer interning, socializing, and relaxing in Indianapolis, and then headed back to college for my senior year and my busiest semester yet.  This fall, my parents began the divorce process and I’ve been trying to help my family through that.  I’m currently dealing with all the insanity of school (schoolwork, dance, other activities, friends, guys, and living independently), plus family drama and freaking out about trying to figure out my life post-grad.  I’m looking forward to being a part-time student next semester and finally having a little time to breathe (and apply to jobs).  Currently there are only 2 more weeks plus finals before winter break, so that’s exciting.  Unfortunately (but predictably) those weeks are going to be jam-packed with project deadlines, senior and other presentations, and a big dance performance.

Wish me luck!

Em

Tuesday (night)

Exhausted and stressed, but excited about entering a phase where I have (barely) enough time that I don’t have to feel deficient in everything I do.  I hope to become a better student, campus leader, group leader, friend, and internship researcher.  I feel excited that I finally have a little bit of “free” time to actually adhere to most of my responsibilities.

I can’t wait for spring break.  But I do hope I find an internship (or have a good start on getting one, at least) by then.  I think that would take a lot of the stress away over break.  I feel like there’s a giant cloud overhead.  It’s hanging over life and over summer .. it’s like this thing saying to me, “You need to find a good internship.”  I wonder what the seniors are thinking .. I’m not at all excited about dealing with job searching next year.  If this is how stressed I get about internships, I wonder if I will even survive job searching.

Ok, think positive thoughts.  I think I’m going to spend a (preplanned) hour per day working on finding and applying for internships.  Other than that, I will not allow myself to worry about it.

Sleep time.

Em

February has been completely insane.  I have group projects in 3 out of my 4 classes, plus I’ve had a lot of dance stuff, business managing the paper, and leading student government.  All of that basically meant I’ve spent a most of the last month in class, practice, and meetings.  And not doing much homework or doing the work outside of meetings that all my involvement should require.  So when I wasn’t in meetings I was unwinding or trying to do personal things, like look for internships.  Having no spare time is tough, but it keeps me from worrying about everything else going on in my life.

Anyway, since late January, I have been really busy, D has been here a couple times, Valentine’s Day happened, and so did break.  My school gets a random break in the middle of the semester, which is nice.  However, no one else really gets that break, so it can be a little slow at times.  When I first got home I was a little frustrated that my family couldn’t spend much time with me because they all had their own things going on.  But things eventually picked up and I ended up having a pretty good break.  My dog is having a lot of health problems which is really worrisome.  Other than that, though, things were good, and I did get spend a lot of time with D. and my family.  Breaks always seem so short, though.

Hopefully this part of the semester will be a little less crazy because dance team is over.  That will free up 1-2 hours per night during the week, which amounts to a lot of time.  I really need to devote time to homework and other obligations, along with searching for and hopefully landing an internships this summer.  I’m starting to get really worried about that.

Ok, I should go.

Em

Went to class, ushered at convo, changed my meal plan, called my mom, changed my meal plan back, got my mail, dropped some money off, went to the international office, picked up a form, made copies, dropped copies off, talked about business with the paper staff.  And most of this since noon …

Ugh, I need to sit down for a bit.  This is supposed to be my easy day (only 1 class!) but I’ve been rushing around for the last hour or so like crazy.

Can’t wait for the weekend ..

Em

Friday

It’s finally Friday, and I’ve only had 3 days of class so far.  But I feel like it’s been a lot more.  I’ve had dance for 1.5-2 hours each night starting Tuesday, and we’re performing tomorrow.  I really hope the team (and myself) are ready.  Only 6 girls are performing so it’s kind of even more pressure to do well.  Tonight we have our team dinner and then afterwards will practice some more.

Along with dance, I’ve also been getting my organizations in order.  I’ve had several meetings for each of the other organizations in which I have a leadership role.  I think things are all going well though.  Also, I’ve had all of my classes so far except tennis.  Calculus is going to kick my butt, and I don’t have D coaching me through it like I did in high school.  While he is definitely willing to help me out, not living here doesn’t help the situation.  I think the question is, did I know it and forget it because 2.5 years have passed, or did I never really know it at all?  (Math, that is.)  So hopefully I’ve just forgotten a lot because of time.  I’m already planning on going in during the tutoring sessions, and maybe even signing up for my own tutor.  We’ll see how it all goes.  I can’t drop the class because it’s a lot of credits, so I’m kind of backed into a corner.  Why did I think this sounded like a good idea, again?

Other than that, I have an English class and two psych classes.  One of my classes only has 6 people in it, which is pretty cool.  (Although I can’t miss class, be late, or not do the reading, or it will be pretty obvious.)  I’m excited about the semester overall, but also a little worried that I’m going to be insanely busy with activities and classes.

Em

Monday

Ugh.  I am already tired of it.  I hate, absolutely hate, living in a dorm.  I am not cut out for the dorm life at all.  Really social people are a lot better at it than people like me.  I’m not anti-social, but I definitely need time to myself.  Without people yelling in the halls and being generally loud and annoying.  I just wish I had separate school/work, personal, and social lives.  But here they’re all combined.  I don’t want to socialize where I shit, thank you.  Dorms are a really unnatural habitat .. a bunch of people who don’t know each other crammed together and expected to live peacefully and socialize.  God, now it’s like a fucking party in the hall.  It’s 11:30 at night, people, and it’s not the weekend.

Tomorrow I have a busy day.  I have a retreat for one of my organizations from 9:30 to 12, and then a meeting at 12.  After that, I really need to get groceries, school supplies, books, and change my meal plan.  Then I have two hours of dance at night.  It should be pretty crazy .. better than just sitting around waiting for classes to start.  I am always ready to get on with it.

I made it to my 6th semester!  Only 3 more and I’m out .. if I had been more organized I could probably have graduated early.  I don’t know about now though.  I can make it through, somehow ..

My goals for this semester are to push through to summer – stay busy and active, and hopefully have a little fun in the meantime.  We’ll see.

Em

Saturday

And I’m not even a sophomore anymore.  But oh, how I remember those days.  D. is currently dealing with his sophomore slump .. he is not looking forward to second semester at all.  His struggles prompted me to think back over my last year, particularly how much better my junior year has been than last year.

Last year, I spent a lot of first semester being unhappy and depressed with school and my life overall, thinking about how I should have transferred after freshman year, seriously considering transferring then, and testing my alcohol limits on the weekends.  I was also adjusting to the whole long-distance relationship thing.  I dealt with my dissatisfaction with my school experience by going abroad-ish for 2nd semester.  I just felt so confined and stagnated by school.  So I decided to make a change.  My program was definitely an adventure, but overall, 2nd semester wasn’t a great experience.  I was and am glad I did the program, and if I had to do last year over again, I would probably still do it.  (But I would definitely make some changes while there.  Like a different living situation.  Hindsight’s 20/20, eh?)

Once I came back from the program, I made the decision not to transfer.  I was a junior, I would lose a lot of time/credits, I would have to adjust to an entirely new campus, and I didn’t want to go much farther away from home and my boyfriend than I already am, which limited my options.  I just didn’t want to be a freshmen all over again as a 20-year old junior.  Actively deciding that transferring wasn’t right really empowered me to make changes on-campus.  I resolved to really get involved last semester, and overall, I think I succeeded.  I got involved in the newspaper, two dance organizations, and several miscellaneous organizations, including student government.  Because of my involvement last semester, I am set up to occupy four leadership positions next semester.  Not only does involvement with groups look good on the resume, it also keeps me sane.  I do things I enjoy and meet new people while participating in them.  I did all this while maintaining a solid GPA.  My grades, school involvement, and my several internships will hopefully set me up for a good internship this summer and a solid job in the future.

Even though I can always improve, my sophomore to junior year transition was definitely a positive one.  And to be honest, I’m really glad I’m heading back to campus instead of packing to spend 4 months in another country.  I’m sure everyone who’s going abroad will have good experiences.  But in the meantime, I’ve made my place on-campus .. and I’m not about to give that up.

Em

Wednesday (night)

Yesterday my boyfriend D. planned a really nice day out for me.  It was a lot of fun and a sweet gesture.  He took me out to breakfast, lunch, dinner, and a movie, with planned ice skating that fell through because of bad weather.  Then I stayed with him last night, which was nice.  Today I got home around 3 and crashed in front of the tv for awhile, before a nice dinner with my family and then a movie with D.  Tomorrow he and I are going to a nearby city to see a couple of artsy movies.  So I should get some sleep …

Em